Betty ford says i'm here all night
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
