I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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