Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.