This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
sarcasm needs its own font
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.