I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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