fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."