I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
