I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.