ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.