I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
