So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
