He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
