i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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