Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
