Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
