i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
