maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
