Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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