How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
