i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
