her vagine was all disorganized.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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