Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
