I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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