# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
