The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
