I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
