I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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