i don't like sucking hair
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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