Your mouth is God's brothel.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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