The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
