bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
