Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
