Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
