fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
