I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
