She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
