After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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