I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
