i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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