Pregnant stripper...not hot.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
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Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
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I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
That's how pantless uber rides happen
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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