I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
