i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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