You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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