we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
