and i looked up. we had an audience...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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