I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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