he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
