He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
