I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
