also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
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But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
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I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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