bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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