guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
