So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
