You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
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Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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