PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
