so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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