Well douche your snatch and let's go!
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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