So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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