I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
