she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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