did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
