is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
