ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
