Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
