I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We have started to decorate penises.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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