then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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