either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm at about main and main street
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
