where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
