We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
