she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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