I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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