So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
