I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
A+ Viking dick
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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