i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
