JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
