elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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