all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
