I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
