Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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