I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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