It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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