I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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